Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
this is an emotional support booty call
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
