you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
