Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
