of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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