babies were throwing up all over the place
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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