From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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