So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
