So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
