my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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