found the other keg... it's in the tree
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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