I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
