She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
