You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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