Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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