how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize