I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
