If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
