saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
