3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
