I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
