im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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