so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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