dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
