She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As shirtless as possible
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This toilet bowl is my home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
