Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize