I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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