what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
