Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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