Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
