I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
