your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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