I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the day after is always just damage control
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
