So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
