remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
