I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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