ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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