Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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