my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
