He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
