I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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