Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
