she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
