clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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