hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize