One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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