My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
