When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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