She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
