i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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