I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
