Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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