Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
