Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
