you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
