why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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