Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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