glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Come see our sink grown plant.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize