fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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