i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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