zippers are such a cool invention
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
