i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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