Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
