im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
