Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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