so explain again why im purple
no
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
