i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
