the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
