R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
