so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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