her vagine was all disorganized.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
