I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
