So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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