what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
