I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
