thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this just has baby written all over it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
