I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
