all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize