I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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