i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
