If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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