Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
