I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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