So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
