if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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