She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
