dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
