just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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